Maid-of-Honor-zillas

We have all heard horror stories about bridezillas and mom-zillas, but a recent trend is the maid of honor-zilla. This is the person who is so focused on helping her friend/sister/cousin have a wonderful wedding that she bends all the rules of etiquette, courtesy, and even common sense to accomplish things her way, no matter how many people she alienates or whose feelings she hurts. She plans an extravagant shower that she can’t afford, then bills the bridesmaids and anyone else she finds handy to help cover the cost. She plans a bachelorette party, perhaps at a destination location, then expects the members of the wedding party to foot the bills. She orders people around, steps on toes, and generally turns into a monster, all in the name of helping the bride. Then, when the wedding is over, she wonders why her friends no longer speak to her.

Perhaps maid of honor-zillas are a sign of the times. We are now seeing a generation of self-focused individuals who grew up without knowledge of etiquette or sensitivity to the needs or circumstances of others. However, that is no excuse. It’s time for common sense to return to wedding planning. It is great for a maid/matron of honor to plan a shower, bachelorette party, or another event, as long as she uses tact and courtesy in the process. It is never acceptable to make plans, then bill others for the costs. If the MOH wants financial help from the bridesmaids or anyone else, then she needs to allow them to be involved in planning the shower or party. They should have in-put into the costs of the event, where it will be held, the food served, and other decisions. If the MOH chooses to make all the decisions herself, then she is responsible for paying the costs herself.

The MOH should not expect bridesmaids/mothers/sisters/grandmothers and others who live out of the area to attend the shower or bachelorette party, particularly if it involves expensive travel or they have young families or job obligations. She needs to be sensitive to the financial situation of others in the wedding party. Just paying for the the clothing and possible travel involved with the wedding can put a strain on budgets without the added burden of an expensive shower or bachelorette party. It isn’t necessary to hire a caterer or rent a room at a restaurant or hotel for a shower. What’s wrong with private homes, churches, community club houses, and other reasonably priced venues? And what happened to home-cooked food?

Perhaps the downturn in the economy will help us return to the important things in life, such as enjoying time spent with family and friends without the need to impress or show off, offend or alienate.