When the Best Man is a Woman.......

You are getting married and you and your intended are choosing the members of the wedding party.  He can’t decide which of his good friends he should ask to be the best man. No matter whom he chooses, someone’s feelings will be hurt. So, he decides to ask his sister. Or perhaps the bride has a friend since childhood that she wants to be in her line, but he happens to be a guy, not a girl. Can she have a male bridesmaid?

Today, it is common to include a person of the opposite sex among your attendants. Older couples with adult children have been doing this for years. The criteria for choosing attendants remains the same as it has always been – choose people that are close to you and will continue to be a part of your life in the future.  If that person is of the opposite sex, that is fine in most instances, unless your wedding will be held in a conservative church or synagogue. Then, you may need to obtain approval from the pastor/priest/rabbi.

When a person of the opposite sex fills the position of maid of honor or best man, he or she should be called “the bride’s honor attendant” or “the groom’s honor attendant.”  When a person of the opposite sex is chosen to fill the role of groomsman or bridesmaid, then all the attendants are called “the bride’s attendants (rather than bridesmaids) and “the groom’s attendants” (rather than groomsmen).     

When a woman stands on the groom’s side, she might wear a dress in the same color as the male attendants’ attire and of the same formality as the bridesmaids’ dresses.  She should wear a corsage rather than a boutonnière. A man who stands on the bride’s side should dress like the other men in the wedding party.  He should wear a boutonnière, not carry a bouquet.  If he fills the position of the maid of honor, then the bridesmaid standing next to him may hold the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony and she should help the bride with her train if necessary. 

A female groom’s attendant will dress with the ladies, but she will appear in the photos along with the groom’s male attendants.  Similarly, a male bride’s attendant will dress with the men, but he will appear in photos along with the bride’s female attendants.  Be sure your photographer is aware of the situation so the person is included in the correct photos. 

It is appropriate to choose a young girl to serve as ring bearer if you have no young boys you would like to include. A female ring bearer carries the title of ring bearer but dresses much like the flower girls.  During the ceremony she will stand on the groom’s side. Flower girls, however, are girls. Just try to get a little boy to fill that position. Not going to happen.

Whether your attendants are guys or girls, choose people who are an important part of your life and that you want to be with you on your special day, thus making your wedding very personal.