Registering for Gifts: What's Hot and What's Not
Since their introduction in 1924 by Chicago department store Marshall Field's, gift registries have become an accepted part of weddings and baby events. They have also become a major source of controversy and etiquette faux pas. When is a registry acceptable and when is it not? Will it be used? When do you register? For what should you register? How do you notify guests of a registry without coming across as greedy?
Creating a registry is acceptable when an event at which gifts are usually given will occur, such as a wedding, a bridal or baby shower or a birth. Today, with the internet and access to national retail registries, most anyone living anywhere can register for gifts. That doesn't mean, however, that the registry will be used. People living in small rural communities where retail outlets are scarce and internet access is not readily available may need to drive a great distance to reach a major retailer with a registry and they don't usually shop by internet. Therefore, those living in rural communities rarely use a registry. The same is true for older relatives who may not live near a store and who may not be comfortable using a computer or shopping online.
If you do register, plan to do it about a month before the first shower or the baby's birth. If you register too early, items may be discontinued. You may find it beneficial to register at more than one location, such as a department store for household items and a sporting goods store for camping equipment or at two baby stores that carry different products. Be sure to keep an eye on your registries, particularly after a shower. If you receive items similar to ones you registered for but that didn't come from your registry, you will need to update the registry before the wedding or birth or risk receiving duplicates.
What's Hot: If a bride or groom has lived on their own for several years and doesn't need many things, registering with a charity is hot, hot, hot. You can make a difference in the lives of people in emerging nations by registering with Compassion International, World Vision or Heifer International where a gift of just $25 will purchase chickens, ducks, rabbits, a share of a sheep or goat or help a child trapped in sexual exploitation.
If you want to help provide affordable housing, you might set up a registry at Home Depot and donate tools to Habitat for Humanity. If you love animals, contact your local shelter about creating a registry to assist with the cost of a building or remodeling project or to purchase dog and cat food, cat litter and other basics. You might also contact your local food bank to create a registry. The possibilities are endless. All it takes is a phone call to your favorite non-profit to create a meaningful registry that will have much greater impact than a new toaster.
What's Not Hot: Gifts are given voluntarily; they are not a requirement, even for a wedding. It is a major breach of etiquette to include registry information in a wedding invitation, which gives the impression that guests are expected to provide a gift of a certain type purchased at a specific store. The appropriate way to notify guests of your registry is to do so verbally when asked. Mothers, bridesmaids and others close to the couple can also verbally share the information. A shower host may also include the information in a shower invitation.
Gifts are not generally given at engagement parties unless it is a bottle of wine or a wedding planning book. To expect traditional wedding gifts for the engagement is presumptuous. Likewise, if you elope or have a reception weeks or months after the wedding, guests are not generally given, nor are they given for a second or third baby unless a number of years separate the children. Gifts are always given at the discretion of the giver, not at the expectation of the bride or new parents.
Registering for gifts can be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple shares as they wander through stores with a product code zapper in hand. Just don't let it get out of hand and become an excuse for greed. And, please, no money trees at your reception or shower in lieu of gifts. Those top the tacky scale. Guests are not required to help pay for a couple's honeymoon, wedding, new home, baby's birth or something else. If you have no need for gifts, then don't ask for them. If you really want money instead of gifts, then don't register and, when asked about needs, verbally communicate your preference. A gift registry established for the right reason can enhance your wedding or shower. Used inappropriately, it can offend.
Creating a registry is acceptable when an event at which gifts are usually given will occur, such as a wedding, a bridal or baby shower or a birth. Today, with the internet and access to national retail registries, most anyone living anywhere can register for gifts. That doesn't mean, however, that the registry will be used. People living in small rural communities where retail outlets are scarce and internet access is not readily available may need to drive a great distance to reach a major retailer with a registry and they don't usually shop by internet. Therefore, those living in rural communities rarely use a registry. The same is true for older relatives who may not live near a store and who may not be comfortable using a computer or shopping online.
If you do register, plan to do it about a month before the first shower or the baby's birth. If you register too early, items may be discontinued. You may find it beneficial to register at more than one location, such as a department store for household items and a sporting goods store for camping equipment or at two baby stores that carry different products. Be sure to keep an eye on your registries, particularly after a shower. If you receive items similar to ones you registered for but that didn't come from your registry, you will need to update the registry before the wedding or birth or risk receiving duplicates.
What's Hot: If a bride or groom has lived on their own for several years and doesn't need many things, registering with a charity is hot, hot, hot. You can make a difference in the lives of people in emerging nations by registering with Compassion International, World Vision or Heifer International where a gift of just $25 will purchase chickens, ducks, rabbits, a share of a sheep or goat or help a child trapped in sexual exploitation.
If you want to help provide affordable housing, you might set up a registry at Home Depot and donate tools to Habitat for Humanity. If you love animals, contact your local shelter about creating a registry to assist with the cost of a building or remodeling project or to purchase dog and cat food, cat litter and other basics. You might also contact your local food bank to create a registry. The possibilities are endless. All it takes is a phone call to your favorite non-profit to create a meaningful registry that will have much greater impact than a new toaster.
What's Not Hot: Gifts are given voluntarily; they are not a requirement, even for a wedding. It is a major breach of etiquette to include registry information in a wedding invitation, which gives the impression that guests are expected to provide a gift of a certain type purchased at a specific store. The appropriate way to notify guests of your registry is to do so verbally when asked. Mothers, bridesmaids and others close to the couple can also verbally share the information. A shower host may also include the information in a shower invitation.
Gifts are not generally given at engagement parties unless it is a bottle of wine or a wedding planning book. To expect traditional wedding gifts for the engagement is presumptuous. Likewise, if you elope or have a reception weeks or months after the wedding, guests are not generally given, nor are they given for a second or third baby unless a number of years separate the children. Gifts are always given at the discretion of the giver, not at the expectation of the bride or new parents.
Registering for gifts can be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple shares as they wander through stores with a product code zapper in hand. Just don't let it get out of hand and become an excuse for greed. And, please, no money trees at your reception or shower in lieu of gifts. Those top the tacky scale. Guests are not required to help pay for a couple's honeymoon, wedding, new home, baby's birth or something else. If you have no need for gifts, then don't ask for them. If you really want money instead of gifts, then don't register and, when asked about needs, verbally communicate your preference. A gift registry established for the right reason can enhance your wedding or shower. Used inappropriately, it can offend.
Thanks for sharing and making it easier to choose what is in.
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