Twenty Biggest Wedding Planning Mistakes
The Wedding Channel.com recently posted a list of what they consider to be the top twenty biggest wedding planning mistakes. Most of the issues could also occur when planning other types of events as well. Following are the problems they identified, in no particular order, with our added comments based on many years of experience planning hundreds of events.
1. Not sticking to your budget. You have a budget for a reason. It is never okay to overspend and then pay for an event for months or years afterwards. Decide what is important to you and where you can compromise. Your guests won't know or care if you wanted steak but could afford only chicken.
2. Hiring a friend or family member as your photographer or videographer. You are only going to do this once. When the day is over you will have only your memories and your photos, so you will want quality photos. If Uncle Joe spends his time at the bar, not behind the camera, it is your loss. Additionally, your family and friends should be your guests, not your employees. And if things go wrong or you are disappointed with the results, it can strain relationships for years.
3. Planning your own shower or bachelorette party. You are the guest of honor; let your bridesmaids, your friends or your aunt do the planning. They should ask your opinion on the date and the guest list, but that is all. They are paying for the party and they get to make the decisions within reason. If they want to plan something with which you are not comfortable, however, (a male stripper, for instance), be sure to say so. If they are your friends, they should know your tastes and respect them.
The same "rules" apply to the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, the groom's parents pay for it (assuming they can afford to do so). As hosts, they decide where the dinner will be held, what will be served, and how many people they can afford to accommodate (just the wedding party or additional guests). As the guests of honor, you and your fiance should relax and enjoy the evening.
4. Choosing members of the wedding party out of "obligation." Just because you were someone's bridesmaid years ago doesn't mean she has to be your bridesmaid. Similarly, if your fiance has never met your brother and he has several male relatives and close friends, he isn't obligated to ask your brother to be a groomsman. Your attendants should be your close friends and relatives - people who will still be in your life many years from now.
5. Arranging your own flowers, baking your own cake, etc. You won't have time to do these things on your big day. Don't work yourself into a frenzy trying to do everything yourself. That is what florists, bakers, hairdressers and other professionals are for.
6. Planning an outdoor wedding without a back-up plan. Things happen; it might be 100 degrees; it may rain; the wind could blow. Unless your ceremony and reception will be short, look for a venue with indoor - outdoor options or rent a tent.
7. Acting like a bridezilla. Though you are one of the stars of the day, you don't have the right to treat others poorly for months leading up to the wedding. No tantrums, no pouting, no trying to control others. Rather, try to enjoy the process. It is the marriage that matters, not just one day.
8. Not planning the ceremony. Even if you will be reciting traditional vows provided by your officiant, you still need to choose entrance and recessional music, perhaps a reading or candle lighting, and other things to complete the ceremony.
9. Trying to memorize your vows. Even if you have practiced extensively, you will be nervous and you could be forgetful. Give a written copy of the vows to your officiant. That way, if you need help, he/she will be prepared to assist.
10. Wearing new shoes for the first time on the wedding day. You don't want to be miserable on your big day, so wear the shoes around the house for a few days to break them in. Scuff the soles with sandpaper so you don't slip while walking down the aisle. If you will be wearing a higher heel than usual, be sure you are comfortable walking in them. Bring a comfortable pair of shoes to change into for the reception.
11. Waiting till after the wedding to pack for the honeymoon. If you are leaving for your honeymoon the day after the wedding, pack two or three days before the wedding. If you rush around at the last minute, you will forget something, and you sure don't want to be doing laundry on your wedding day.
12. Planning to be your own wedding coordinator. On the wedding day you will be so focused on being where you need to be (hair appointment, photos, ceremony, reception) that you won't have time to find out if the cake was delivered, the DJ has arrived and is set up, the centerpieces are set out, candles are lighted, and all the myriad details a wedding coordinator will handle for you. Don't expect your mom to act as the coordinator. She will be busy too and she will want to enjoy spending time with the guests. Hiring a day-of coordinator is one of the best investments you can make.
13. Not considering transportation needs of your guests. It is a courtesy to consider the needs of your out of town family and friends and how they will get to and from the wedding. Check with the hotel where you blocked rooms to see if their shuttle van might be available to take guests to the ceremony and pick them up afterwards. Alternatively, you might rent a trolley or ask your wedding coordinator to have the phone number of a taxi service available for those who need it.
14. Using an iPod or laptop for your music. This works only if you carefully plan your play list and you have an experienced person to operate the iPod or laptop. You can't hand it off to someone who doesn't know how to operate it or who doesn't know what to play when. A beautifully planned wedding can be ruined by problems with the music. If you are not totally confident in the ability of a designated person to handle everything smoothly, hire a professional and don't risk ruining your ceremony or reception.
15. Making a seating chart the night before the wedding. Seating charts are a major headache. You need one only if you are having a sit-down dinner with multiple entree choices. If it is a sit-down dinner with only one entree or a buffet, have your caterer or coordinator reserve tables for the wedding party and parents, then allow the other guests to sit where they want.
16. Asking for gifts. It is socially taboo to tell your guests that a gift is expected and what it should be. An invitation to a wedding is a request for family and friends to join you in celebrating a joyous occasion in your life. It isn't about gifts. If you register, and it is helpful if you do, registry information should not appear in your wedding invitation. (A shower hostess may mention it, however.) And it is never okay to ask for money in a wedding invitation. If you prefer money, then don't register and when people ask, verbally tell them you prefer money, but don't be surprised if some still bring gifts. If you live in another area, encourage guests to choose gifts from your registry and have them shipped to your home rather than bringing them to the wedding.
17. Having a cash bar. This is frowned on in many areas of the country. In Idaho we have a host liability law which makes the event host liable for the actions of guests. Therefore, it is common in this area to host beer and wine or a champagne toast and allow guests to pay for other alcohol if they choose to imbibe. Alternatively, don't make alcohol, other than beer and wine, available at all. It is also appropriate, and budget-friendly, not to serve any alcohol or to serve only a champagne toast.
18. Not having a hair or make-up trial. Plan to have your hair done about a month before the wedding. Take your veil with you and also take a camera to record the style you like. The hairdresser won't remember every detail, so the photos will be helpful. Also have your make-up done in advance. Check it in both indoor and outdoor lighting to be certain it is appropriate without being overwhelming. Be careful about using foundation containing sunscreen as it will reflect light and may affect how you look.
19. Not creating a day-of itinerary. You and your wedding coordinator should create a plan for the day, then she should share it with your photographer, DJ and officiant, so they can work together to make the day flow smoothly just the way you want. If you don't have a coordinator, you will need to create your own plan before the rehearsal. Nothing frustrates officiants more than being unexpectedly placed in charge of an unplanned or poorly planned rehearsal. With a plan, you should be able to run through your rehearsal twice in less than 45 minutes. Without one, your rehearsal can easily take two hours or more, with moms and bridesmaids all adding their opinions and totally stressing you out.
20. Becoming stressed out and not enjoying your day. Don't let all the details get to you. During the months leading up to the wedding, take some time away from the wedding planning; get enough sleep before the wedding; be sure to eat on the wedding day. Your guests don't know what you planned, so don't stress the details. Remember, it is the marriage that counts, not what happens on the wedding day. With a bit of pre-planning, you can have a wonderful day free from any major glitches.
1. Not sticking to your budget. You have a budget for a reason. It is never okay to overspend and then pay for an event for months or years afterwards. Decide what is important to you and where you can compromise. Your guests won't know or care if you wanted steak but could afford only chicken.
2. Hiring a friend or family member as your photographer or videographer. You are only going to do this once. When the day is over you will have only your memories and your photos, so you will want quality photos. If Uncle Joe spends his time at the bar, not behind the camera, it is your loss. Additionally, your family and friends should be your guests, not your employees. And if things go wrong or you are disappointed with the results, it can strain relationships for years.
3. Planning your own shower or bachelorette party. You are the guest of honor; let your bridesmaids, your friends or your aunt do the planning. They should ask your opinion on the date and the guest list, but that is all. They are paying for the party and they get to make the decisions within reason. If they want to plan something with which you are not comfortable, however, (a male stripper, for instance), be sure to say so. If they are your friends, they should know your tastes and respect them.
The same "rules" apply to the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, the groom's parents pay for it (assuming they can afford to do so). As hosts, they decide where the dinner will be held, what will be served, and how many people they can afford to accommodate (just the wedding party or additional guests). As the guests of honor, you and your fiance should relax and enjoy the evening.
4. Choosing members of the wedding party out of "obligation." Just because you were someone's bridesmaid years ago doesn't mean she has to be your bridesmaid. Similarly, if your fiance has never met your brother and he has several male relatives and close friends, he isn't obligated to ask your brother to be a groomsman. Your attendants should be your close friends and relatives - people who will still be in your life many years from now.
5. Arranging your own flowers, baking your own cake, etc. You won't have time to do these things on your big day. Don't work yourself into a frenzy trying to do everything yourself. That is what florists, bakers, hairdressers and other professionals are for.
6. Planning an outdoor wedding without a back-up plan. Things happen; it might be 100 degrees; it may rain; the wind could blow. Unless your ceremony and reception will be short, look for a venue with indoor - outdoor options or rent a tent.
7. Acting like a bridezilla. Though you are one of the stars of the day, you don't have the right to treat others poorly for months leading up to the wedding. No tantrums, no pouting, no trying to control others. Rather, try to enjoy the process. It is the marriage that matters, not just one day.
8. Not planning the ceremony. Even if you will be reciting traditional vows provided by your officiant, you still need to choose entrance and recessional music, perhaps a reading or candle lighting, and other things to complete the ceremony.
9. Trying to memorize your vows. Even if you have practiced extensively, you will be nervous and you could be forgetful. Give a written copy of the vows to your officiant. That way, if you need help, he/she will be prepared to assist.
10. Wearing new shoes for the first time on the wedding day. You don't want to be miserable on your big day, so wear the shoes around the house for a few days to break them in. Scuff the soles with sandpaper so you don't slip while walking down the aisle. If you will be wearing a higher heel than usual, be sure you are comfortable walking in them. Bring a comfortable pair of shoes to change into for the reception.
11. Waiting till after the wedding to pack for the honeymoon. If you are leaving for your honeymoon the day after the wedding, pack two or three days before the wedding. If you rush around at the last minute, you will forget something, and you sure don't want to be doing laundry on your wedding day.
12. Planning to be your own wedding coordinator. On the wedding day you will be so focused on being where you need to be (hair appointment, photos, ceremony, reception) that you won't have time to find out if the cake was delivered, the DJ has arrived and is set up, the centerpieces are set out, candles are lighted, and all the myriad details a wedding coordinator will handle for you. Don't expect your mom to act as the coordinator. She will be busy too and she will want to enjoy spending time with the guests. Hiring a day-of coordinator is one of the best investments you can make.
13. Not considering transportation needs of your guests. It is a courtesy to consider the needs of your out of town family and friends and how they will get to and from the wedding. Check with the hotel where you blocked rooms to see if their shuttle van might be available to take guests to the ceremony and pick them up afterwards. Alternatively, you might rent a trolley or ask your wedding coordinator to have the phone number of a taxi service available for those who need it.
14. Using an iPod or laptop for your music. This works only if you carefully plan your play list and you have an experienced person to operate the iPod or laptop. You can't hand it off to someone who doesn't know how to operate it or who doesn't know what to play when. A beautifully planned wedding can be ruined by problems with the music. If you are not totally confident in the ability of a designated person to handle everything smoothly, hire a professional and don't risk ruining your ceremony or reception.
15. Making a seating chart the night before the wedding. Seating charts are a major headache. You need one only if you are having a sit-down dinner with multiple entree choices. If it is a sit-down dinner with only one entree or a buffet, have your caterer or coordinator reserve tables for the wedding party and parents, then allow the other guests to sit where they want.
16. Asking for gifts. It is socially taboo to tell your guests that a gift is expected and what it should be. An invitation to a wedding is a request for family and friends to join you in celebrating a joyous occasion in your life. It isn't about gifts. If you register, and it is helpful if you do, registry information should not appear in your wedding invitation. (A shower hostess may mention it, however.) And it is never okay to ask for money in a wedding invitation. If you prefer money, then don't register and when people ask, verbally tell them you prefer money, but don't be surprised if some still bring gifts. If you live in another area, encourage guests to choose gifts from your registry and have them shipped to your home rather than bringing them to the wedding.
17. Having a cash bar. This is frowned on in many areas of the country. In Idaho we have a host liability law which makes the event host liable for the actions of guests. Therefore, it is common in this area to host beer and wine or a champagne toast and allow guests to pay for other alcohol if they choose to imbibe. Alternatively, don't make alcohol, other than beer and wine, available at all. It is also appropriate, and budget-friendly, not to serve any alcohol or to serve only a champagne toast.
18. Not having a hair or make-up trial. Plan to have your hair done about a month before the wedding. Take your veil with you and also take a camera to record the style you like. The hairdresser won't remember every detail, so the photos will be helpful. Also have your make-up done in advance. Check it in both indoor and outdoor lighting to be certain it is appropriate without being overwhelming. Be careful about using foundation containing sunscreen as it will reflect light and may affect how you look.
19. Not creating a day-of itinerary. You and your wedding coordinator should create a plan for the day, then she should share it with your photographer, DJ and officiant, so they can work together to make the day flow smoothly just the way you want. If you don't have a coordinator, you will need to create your own plan before the rehearsal. Nothing frustrates officiants more than being unexpectedly placed in charge of an unplanned or poorly planned rehearsal. With a plan, you should be able to run through your rehearsal twice in less than 45 minutes. Without one, your rehearsal can easily take two hours or more, with moms and bridesmaids all adding their opinions and totally stressing you out.
20. Becoming stressed out and not enjoying your day. Don't let all the details get to you. During the months leading up to the wedding, take some time away from the wedding planning; get enough sleep before the wedding; be sure to eat on the wedding day. Your guests don't know what you planned, so don't stress the details. Remember, it is the marriage that counts, not what happens on the wedding day. With a bit of pre-planning, you can have a wonderful day free from any major glitches.
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