Invitations That Say "No Boxed Gifts"

Have you received a recent invitation containing the phrase "no boxed gifts?"  Did you wonder what they mean - give only "soft" gifts, like linens, not boxed items like toasters? In reality, this is the latest attempt to solicit money as a gift without coming right out and asking for it, which would be a major breach of etiquette. In some Eastern cultures, such as Pakistani or Indian, this term has been traditionally used to indicate a preference for money, not actual gifts. As frequently happens, those in our Western world have adopted the wording and applied it to their own events.

Occasionally, the term is legitimately used, particularly when it refers to someone who may need to ship or transport gifts after a wedding or another party and who cannot take large, bulky items. In that case, giving smaller, "soft," easily packed items is reasonable. However, it shouldn't be printed on the invitation.

From an etiquette perspective, gifts shouldn't be mentioned on an invitation at all. If the recipients don't want or need gifts, then they can verbally tell guests, when asked, that they don't need gifts or they would prefer money or gift cards. To put anything in writing or to solicit gifts in any way is rude and can offend guests, resulting in no gifts at all. Guests are not obligated to give gifts if they cannot afford to, so putting anyone on the spot for a selfish reason can harm relationships. Better to be thoughtful than to unintentionally offend.